Wednesday, March 16, 2011

40 Days


Someone told me once that it takes 40 days to break a habit or 40 days to create one.  40 days, that’s it.  So, I went into this Lenten season with a commitment to read a chapter of the bible each day hoping to make it a staple in my daily routine.  I chose to start reading in Mark and go through Luke leading me right through Easter.  I know that I should be committed to reading my bible everyday but I have become complacent over these past few months.  I can make tons of excuses, I’m busy, I’m tired, I am reading all this stuff for Circles, or my favorite, the Jersey Shore is on.  But see that’s all they are, excuses.  My prayer going into this time was that God would reignite my passion for His word and light my life on fire.

Well, I am a week in and to say that God has once again stirred my passion for the Word is true.  I long for the time I spend each day reading through the Gospel.  But lighting my life on fire, now that’s another story.  Actually I would say that it has been just the opposite or at least that’s how it feels.  I am wrecked.  Each time I open God’s word I become aware of another flaw in my faith or life.  An area I am lacking in is brought up or an unhealed wound is reopened.  And that’s hard.   

My naïve view of scripture was that it was there to encourage and build us up not make us feel lousy or challenged.  But, was I wrong.  I am beginning to realize that while we are able to find encouragement and joy in the hope of the Gospel, God’s word is meant to challenge us.  It is there to bring about self examination and growth.   As I recount Christ’s mission and ministry each day, God continues to move in me.  He is healing wounds that I didn’t even know where there.  He is showing me who He wants me to be and how I should live my life.

And even though it’s hard, and it hurts, and it causes many tears, this revelation of just how broken I am has been the best thing for me.  So, each day I am drawn back to Him, back to His word and back to the love and grace that first captured me.

16 comments:

  1. His Word brings refining. I know this and sometimes ignore the Word, knowing that I will find conviction in my heart. We are afraid of changing our lives sometimes(at least I am!). God's word is the perfect lens by which we can see complete Truth as it is meant to be seen. No distortion or fog, just clarity. I pray that the Holy Spirit will lead you gently into a place where the Word, continually and daily, fans into flame this fire that He desires to keep in your heart for Him.

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  2. Really beautifully written, especially the last paragraph. Praying for you.

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  3. I too am reading the Gospels to learn about who Jesus really is. Your post just made me realize that I need to read more in depth to every situation that Jesus is in and what he is truly saying to me. Thank you for your post and opening my eyes to what I need to see.

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  4. yeah, that last paragraph. amazing. this is an amazing thing.

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  5. this post brings me joy. Joy that you, Kate, are running towards the reality of your brokenness, despite the pain - Knowing that it will bring ultimate transformation and freedom. worth it. His Word is so flawless.

    also... Jersey Shore!?
    I will show you grace in this. haha :)
    jk

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  6. In certain chapters or seasons I have found warm fuzzies, pats on the back or sweet affirmations, but most of the time the Word kicks me in the teeth. It's hard work.

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  7. "He is healing wounds that I didn’t even know where there."
    Ummmmm AMAZING. This is really radical. mmm, God is good.

    and I almost teared up reading your last paragraph. So good. Praise Him forever and ever, Amen.

    Thank you for sharing dear

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  8. Love this, thanks Kate. I've always loved that in the moments where we see ourselves most clearly in our sin...that's the place where we get to see God most clearly for who HE is. Purely awesome. Outside of digging into the Word and getting that clarity, we've only broken the surface of who God is. You've encouraged me to really dig back in also...in the encouragement AND the challenge of it all, it's a beautiful thing :) Thanks for sharing!

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  9. I love the rawness and honesty in your last paragraph. God's word is so powerful and I find myself also drifting from my first love. I am encouraged to hear how God is transforming your heart. I'll be praying for you my friend. P.S. Thanks for your prayer last Sunday! I needed that :)

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  10. as you are drawn back to His word, the paradigm with which you see life will be altered the circumstances of your brokenness will be seen in light of the God you love. this is awesome. continue to be drawn to Him-LOVE IT!

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  11. Kate,

    This is a great post. So insightful.

    I love the fact that God's word is both of the things you describe. It's encouraging and it's convicting. And I don't mean one at a time. More and more as I spend time in the word I find it to be both simultaneously.

    I find that the conviction is an encouragement, and the encouragement is convicting. God's word is truly living and active...

    Thanks for the beautiful articulation of what God is showing you.

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  12. I agree with everyone, this is very beautifully written. I am so encouraged by your hunger for God's word. I am trying to do the same thing that you are and it is a challenge, but how wonderful is it that the more we read, the more we want to read?! I'm praying for increased discipline and encouragement and understanding of scripture.

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  13. Thank you, Kate! :)
    For the reminder to push through the uncomfortable and difficult task of sitting before God and being confronted by His word with nowhere to hide. It is so transforming!!!!
    So pumped to see God working in you! - encouraged and motivated.
    Praying that you stay steadfast through lent and the rest of your life!!

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  14. ahhh. so true. I was JUST feeling so similarly this morning that my life is a bunch of open wounds and yes, I am asking God to purge my life of ick, but my word, will it ever let up, and this really discouraged me. as my day continued, it was He again who encouraged me in this, straightening my path to make it look more like His. I totally see where Darin is going with His comment... they are so often one in the same.

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  15. Totally totally totally understand. I struggle with finding myself in the word, but I know it is beneficial (good or bad be it as it may). Even though I know that it can be bad deep down inside, I know it is good to hear, though I do not want to hear it at all. I feel like the way both work in tandem like Darin said, is God saying you are doing great and I thank you for it, but there is still SOO much more you can do and learn. ugh. brilliant post Kate. Well Done.

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  16. Oh my gosh! I can completely agree with you. I have also been reading through the Gospels and reading Jesus' words are almost calling me out and challenging me in unexpected ways. Whereas before I could find hope and encouragement. Wow. I totally can relate and I also love your final paragraph. If we're not challenged in our faith how can we expect to grow? And once we grow it will only bring us closer to our Father.

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