Someone told me once that it takes 40 days to break a habit or 40 days to create one. 40 days, that’s it. So, I went into this Lenten season with a commitment to read a chapter of the bible each day hoping to make it a staple in my daily routine. I chose to start reading in Mark and go through Luke leading me right through Easter. I know that I should be committed to reading my bible everyday but I have become complacent over these past few months. I can make tons of excuses, I’m busy, I’m tired, I am reading all this stuff for Circles, or my favorite, the Jersey Shore is on. But see that’s all they are, excuses. My prayer going into this time was that God would reignite my passion for His word and light my life on fire.
Well, I am a week in and to say that God has once again stirred my passion for the Word is true. I long for the time I spend each day reading through the Gospel. But lighting my life on fire, now that’s another story. Actually I would say that it has been just the opposite or at least that’s how it feels. I am wrecked. Each time I open God’s word I become aware of another flaw in my faith or life. An area I am lacking in is brought up or an unhealed wound is reopened. And that’s hard.
My naïve view of scripture was that it was there to encourage and build us up not make us feel lousy or challenged. But, was I wrong. I am beginning to realize that while we are able to find encouragement and joy in the hope of the Gospel, God’s word is meant to challenge us. It is there to bring about self examination and growth. As I recount Christ’s mission and ministry each day, God continues to move in me. He is healing wounds that I didn’t even know where there. He is showing me who He wants me to be and how I should live my life.
And even though it’s hard, and it hurts, and it causes many tears, this revelation of just how broken I am has been the best thing for me. So, each day I am drawn back to Him, back to His word and back to the love and grace that first captured me.