If I am being totally honest I don't know if I have been completely open with all of you. Those that know me best know I am really good at putting on a happy face, exuding optimism and energy, and acting like everything is ok even when its not. Truthfully, thats what I have been doing these past couple of weeks. Rather that giving out of the overflow of who God has made me I feel like it is coming from the core of my being. And thats not a good thing! There is not really anything major happening in my life but I am just tired. No not tired....exhausted.
I feel like my wheels are constantly spinning and there is no time to really rest. I can't remember the last time I did something for myself or was able to turn my brian off. Lately, I have really felt like just quitting it all. Wyldlife, Circles, relationships, all of it. At times I think it would just be easier to shut down and withdraw from everything. And that is hard for me to say. I am definitely not a complainer and I hate whining, which is probably why I have put off writing this. I even started off writing this post with something about prayer and what God was teaching me but it just didn't seem right.
The truth is thats a lie. Quitting would not be easier, even though it seems that way sometimes. I know that it is in times like this that where my faith is shaped. I know that God is doing something in me that I can't see or understand. I know that it is in this time, when I feel distant from Him, the people I care about, and the things that make me happiest that I need to push into Him. He is there, He will draw me near, and He will rejuvenate my life.
All that being said, I am not going anywhere. I will continue to search for God in each moment of each day and wait expectantly for Him to show Himself. I will rely on those closest to me for encouragement. And I will cherish the sweet, quiet moments trusting that He will fill my cup.