Monday, February 14, 2011

Exhausted

If I am being totally honest I don't know if I have been completely open with all of you.  Those that know me best know I am really good at putting on a happy face, exuding optimism and energy, and acting like everything is ok even when its not.  Truthfully, thats what I have been doing these past couple of weeks.  Rather that giving out of the overflow of who God has made me I feel like it is coming from the core of my being.  And thats not a good thing!  There is not really anything major happening in my life but I am just tired.  No not tired....exhausted.  


I feel like my wheels are constantly spinning and there is no time to really rest.  I can't remember the last time I did something for myself or was able to turn my brian off.  Lately, I have really felt like just quitting it all.  Wyldlife, Circles, relationships, all of it.  At times I think it would just be easier to shut down and withdraw from everything.  And that is hard for me to say.  I am definitely not a complainer and I hate whining, which is probably why I have put off writing this.  I even started off writing this post with something about prayer and what God was teaching me but it just didn't seem right.  


The truth is thats a lie.  Quitting would not be easier, even though it seems that way sometimes.  I know that it is in times like this that where my faith is shaped.  I know that God is doing something in me that I can't see or understand.  I know that it is in this time, when I feel distant from Him, the people I care about, and the things that make me happiest that I need to push into Him.  He is there, He will draw me near, and He will rejuvenate my life.


All that being said, I am not going anywhere.  I will continue to search for God in each moment of each day and wait expectantly for Him to show Himself.  I will rely on those closest to me for encouragement.  And I will cherish the sweet, quiet moments trusting that He will fill my cup.

12 comments:

  1. Your last paragraph is such a treasure, Kate :) The book we are reading by Nouwen allows me to see this season in your life as an invitation to further deepen your relationship with the Lord as you continue in pursuit of Him while the turmoil in your mind still exists. Many people would quit. Many people would do what seems easy and a quick fix, but no, you comprehend how God is calling you to go the opposite way - what a gift He is giving you in this time.

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  2. Kate, I've so been there. Heck, I'm there now. As someone who regularly fills my own plate and burdens my own shoulders, I can speak from experience when I say that God often does His best work when I reach the end of me ...

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  3. Thank you for your honestly love. I will be praying for rest for your heart and mind and body too. Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind when I read this, hope this encourages you! "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

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  4. I think God wants to go deeper into who we are, past all of the walls that we hold around us. We definitely run dry when we try to control our own lives...in actions or thoughts. It's awesome how you came to the conclusion that we just need to seek God. Psalm 46:10 comes to mind.

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  5. ahhh kate youre awesomeee. this post was so rad. the amazing faith your showing in Christ is so bright and vibrant and such a beautiful thing. the whole time i was reading it i kept thinking of matthew 9:22 where Jesus heals the girl and says, "Take heart, your faith has made you well"

    im so glad youre not quitting :) you and your spunkyness is such a blessing and seeing your joy after helping old ladies jump their car is such an encouragment.

    PLUS i know we have many good surf sessions to share in the future!!

    God loves you so much kate and your faith will not go unnoticed. Hebrews 6:10 says,

    " For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do."

    keep on keepin on kate :) fellow SAHliiice

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  6. I am so thankful you posted this. You have no idea how encouraging it was for me...b/c I am SO THERE with you right now! I'm exhausted, can't turn my brain off, and generally feel like I'm just "putting on" my usual personality so people won't know. But your post gives me courage to be real, and I needed that, so thank you :) Something I've been meditating on is "Be still, and KNOW that I am God." Another version says it like this, "Quit STRIVING, and know that I am God." I love that, I feel like it gives us permission to rest. To be still. To quit striving, and trust the God who loves us. Amen!

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  7. This is how you know that your commitment to Christ and this walk with Him is real!! When you choose to continue even when you don't FEEL him, that is what true love is all about. I am so glad you are finding the strength to not give up...and God will honor that!!

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  8. I really appreciate that you wrote this, I was sensing it despite the fact that we don't see each other often. Your words are the exact encouragment I would hope to write. Know that you are not alone. That it is ok to be exhausted and tired and need refreshment and rest. Praying that you find moments that heal and soothe your heart, mind, and soul. So glad you are a part of this.

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  9. Heck yes, The true test of faith is when we push through what feels impossible trusting (with the little bit of hope that's left) that there's something better on the other side.

    And thanks for being honest. Now I know EXACTLY how to pray for you, and pray I will!

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  10. When I get overwhelmed I find myself at times shutting down as well. Like not wanting to respond to emails, etc. The problem is none of that goes away. Your right, quitting is never easier! Praying for you!

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  11. I get you.
    Sending up prayers girl. Take some time for you, seriously, do something because YOU enjoy it and get a few full nights of sleep in. I praise God that you are alive, kicking, and honest with your situation. He will refill, renew, and things will never be easy, but I pray that you see Him through it all. In the end you will hear "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Press in, let go of your own inadequacies, because He is more than enough, and you will make it full circle ;) with a much better understanding of His love and your purpose. Can I get an Amen, please?!

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  12. I second what nick said. :) and thanks for being honest!!

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